Gary, a particularly big-boned gourami fish
Do me a favor. You probably don’t want to check your stock portfolio or 401k account today. I mean, you can. I am certainly no financial expert (though I do claim to be The Last Word's Madonna trivia expert). Just trust me on this one.
The Dow Jones industrial average plunged, closing down 512 points. It’s the Dow's worst drop since October 2008 and its ninth-steepest decline ever. Worries over the U.S. economy sent stocks into this nosedive.
It's not all doom and gloom. Gas prices are down, so now's the time to fill up your tank. That's kinda positive...
Hey, how about a distraction? Let's talk about something random I found on the Internet instead. Oh look — Gary the overweight fish. He's being forced off his candy bar diet of Kit-Kats after getting too fat for his tank. WTF?
Oh, and turns out Kim Kardashian's mom made a music video back in the '80s which rivals the cheesiness of Rebecca Black's single Friday. If that doesn't make you giggle for at least a moment, I don't know what will.
Please tweet me any other pick-me-ups you can find online.